Why does he walk that way….

There are many times we look at some people and we wonder why they walk the way they do. We think “oh he is so arrogant, see the way he walks”, “oh my word, she is walking as though she owns the place”.

I know someone who walks as though she is walking the catwalk. It turns out that she has scoliosis and had a metal rod inserted along her spine that makes her seem she is walking the catwalk. I know another chap, who when you are having a conversation suddenly tilts forward close to you. People usually step back thinking he is trying to be fresh. It turns out that he is deaf in one ear and has to lean his good ear close to the speaker’s mouth in order for him to hear properly.

I know of a young lady who married a geek. However, after a while, the very qualities that endeared him to her started annoying her to the point where she divorced him. A few months later she stumbled on an article about Asperger’s syndrome and she went crazy. This was because she realised that she was reading about her ex-husband. He was not cold and emotionless after all, he had a condition that had gone undetected. She felt bad that if she had known , she would have found out how to manage him.

Many times we assume a thing about a person because of our conclusions of them from our perspective. The truth, however, is that we cannot assume things based on our not having all the facts. The manual for Living says we should not judge a matter, where we have not heard the two side.

When you meet a person, you are meeting their representative not necessarily the real person. Most of us put up a front when we meet people, and even when we have known them for a while it becomes too late to show them who we really are. In some cases even when we want them to know who we really are, we get the impression they are not interested in what we have to offer and we just keep our representative on show. Of course from our discuss today, this may not even be their intention.

This is going to be a short post to just make us understand that there are many reasons why some things are going on or not going on as the case may be ,and it is not always for the reasons we think we know. We make ourselves so ill thinking we know the reason why something is the way it is and yet we may be totally wrong.

Relationships can be very difficult when those in them are not the real people but just the representatives. I feel I am getting into deep water here getting myself entangled with relationships. We are all in relationships and most of us yearn to hear more about relationships and how to make them work better or even work at all.

I think it is always better to think the best of the next person. So let me take married couples. They love each other at certain times and at certain times they don’t. These days whether courtship is long or short, people are getting married for the wrong reasons and the couple don’t know their real spouse, just the representative.They are therefore always having to guess what the other person really means by their speech and their actions. A representative could be anybody depending on what the situation calls for. Imagine even your own response when someone you like comes to your door as opposed to someone you don’t like. The same ‘you’ responds in two distinct and different ways.

So let me take an example of couple AB. Let us say for example choosing what school their first child will attend. The couple both went to mixed schools and even though they have never discussed it, the husband assumes their child will automatically attend a mixed school. The wife does not know what her husband thinks but she feels that choosing a boarding school is her responsibility because she chose the primary school and as such, she will get to choose what type of school and in what area.

She feels she is better suited to do this because she is better educated and indeed comes from a family where education is a big deal and she grew up with all the nuances associated with education and being educated. This is unlike the husband who comes from a family where he is the first to really get a college level education even though he never got high grades just coasted by.

Two years before their son had to go off to boarding school, Wifey had been doing research and had zeroed in on certain boys only schools. Believing that she has done really well, she presents the list to hubby who did not even realize that they needed to start searching for schools that early. He feels his wife is trying upstage him. His first reaction was to think the worst.

Even though he feels like this, he genuinely wants his son to attend a mixed school, like himself and his wife. He does not know this research she is talking about and feels his wife just wants to, again, put him down.

Hubby felt that he went to a mixed school and has done well by many standards. Also, he had watched a random program where a man said he believes he became gay when he was sent off to an all boy’s boarding school.

These two thoughts were his main reasons for wanting a mixed school. His wife had good points also for choosing a single sex school but he was not ready to listen because he felt she was catching him unawares and he had not had time to marshal his points well. He does not even mention his own valid points and continued to harp on the fact that his wife wanted to show him up.

There were many dynamics going on. The “real” hubby wanted a mixed boarding school for two main reasons but he allowed his “representative” to put up a façade that brought strife. The wife also believed the worst, that her husband was just being unreasonable and just wanted to choose whatever was opposite of what she thought.

I hope I have not confused you with this scenario? Why is he walking like that? Why is he thinking that way? Why is he dressed like that? Why does he eat that way? Why has he made that decision? Why does he even look like that? Why does he spend money like that? Why does he not spend money like this? Why is she married to him and vice versa.

There are so many questions like this, that even though we ask, we are not interested in the correct answer. We ask the question and answer it depending on what we see, which is not always what the true picture is.

We will always ask these questions because we are individuals, in many cases, self-absorbed individuals who are convinced we have all the answers. We are not bothered with whether or not our answers are correct. Sometimes we are sincere in our conclusions but we are sincerely wrong.

The manual for living, says we should not judge other people. There are many interpretations of this (just a by the way, always read the manual for yourself, don’t just listen to other people interpret it for you because the person interpreting may be self-absorbed and so is telling you his own perspective which may not be Almighty’s perspective or Almighty’s perspective for you), but I believe one of it is that if you don’t know all the facts, don’t make a decision as to why he is walking that way. Eight times out of ten you will be wrong.

This is not even quoting the well-known adage that you should not judge a man if you have not walked in his shoes. This is because many of the people you judge , you will never walk in their shoes. This post is really for me, and i apologise publicly to all the many people i have wondered wrongly why they are walking like that.

Just a random piece of information. In the USA, the most popular birthdate is the 18th of September. I wonder why…… and I am sure it is not for any of the reasons you think.

Please , please nobody in this post is anybody you think you know, so please don’t conclude that you know couple AB. for once i did not use a true story.

September is half gone. Where does all the time go? Have a great week.

Grammarly says I have five grammer mistakes. I can’t find them. I hope you can’t too.


One thought on “Why does he walk that way….

  1. Interesting article as always pastor Lams! We really don’t know where the proverbial shoe is hurting anyone so we must be more conscious of that and stop judging people!,
    Yewande Z


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